I have multiple friends that blog, and all of them agree that a good blog post starts with a good hook. Well, that was my hook… are you hooked? Great, let’s move on. I believe that one of the main things that we need to do in order to dream again is to connect with your inner self (if you haven’t yet). But before I start talking about connecting, I want to first address this one thing: why is it important to establish that connection? Your mind only listens to you, and no matter what other people say or think about you, and no matter what you tell yourself, the way you view yourself is going to be based on what you believe about yourself. It’s better if I explain it with an example, and what better example than me.
As I mentioned before, I lost my parents before I turned three, was physically abused by a family member throughout my childhood, and was sexually abused by a classmate in middle school. I know, messed up upraising #forreal. Well, you can imagine just all the views I had about myself. Not having parents, I grew up believing I had to be independent and provide for myself. Nothing will be given to me ever, so I had to work hard in life. Not only that, but I always doubted if I was loved or if my life even mattered, and believed I would always be alone. Being physically abused was translated in my mentality as my needs not being important, I couldn’t have feelings, otherwise, I would get hit. I couldn’t make mistakes; I had to be perfect, otherwise I would get hit. I couldn’t have an opinion or questions, let alone, word it out, otherwise I would get hit. And so I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I was always going to be a victim of my environment, and staying quiet and unnoticed was the safest way to live. Being sexually abused, well, you can imagine. I blamed myself for it, and thought of myself as the most disgusting human being in the planet, and adopted a posture of shame and guilt. On the outside though, people loved me. They always expressed how much our friendship meant to them, how they thought I was a very kind and courageous person, and how I always inspired and challenged them to be a better person. Did I appreciate the compliments? Of course! Did I believe them? Well…
No matter what happens in our consciousness (such as hearing compliments, having a positive mentality, etc.), our minds live mostly in the subconscious (about 90% of it, or actually more). The way we view ourselves will come from there. Traumatic or painful experiences have a way of skewing the way we see the world around us, making us believe things that aren’t actually true. If undealt with and pushed down to the subconscious, we disconnect from those experiences and the lies they make us believe then gain control of our lives, aka, you start defining your life and who you are based on your past experiences. No matter how many good things I heard about myself from other people, or tried to convince myself that everything was going to be ok, it never mattered. I was so disconnected from those experiences that they controlled me, and I always believed I would be alone, never being able to express my feelings or thoughts, unworthy of love, and the best way to be safe was to remain quiet and unnoticed. It wasn’t until I connected once more with those emotions that I could be free from them. “How do I know I’m disconnected?” you may ask… that’s for the next blog post! (omg, my first cliffhanger, yey me lol).
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