We all have them, we are all born with them. Some embrace them, others push them away. And because I’m tired of trying to come up with a good hook for this blog post, I’m just going to go straight to the point: I’m talking about needs and feelings. “Ewww, what are those???” Lol, I just really wanted to say ewww… But seriously, we all have basic innate needs, such as the need for food, shelter, safety, comfort, protection, provision, nourishment, friendship, companionship, etc. In the ideal case, those needs are met by our parents. Unfortunately sometimes, those needs are not met, leaving us with feelings of unsafety, distrust, and hurt. If we disconnect with these feelings and don’t validate them or work through them, we start believing lies about ourselves, and therefore, start looking for some some kind of “fix.” Unfortunately, fixes are temporary, for they allow the disconnection to remain… we never get enough, and so, we fall into addictive and destructive cycles. How to connect with our unmet needs and feelings? Well, first thing is to admit that they exist. Let yourself feel the lack or the loss. Validate your feelings, and admit that those experiences were either hurtful or painful. Simply allow yourself to feel the feelings. Second, make a list of the lies you believed about yourself based on those experiences, and speak the truth to those unmet needs or feelings. The only way to find out the truth about your past experiences is asking Holy Spirit what He thinks or says about them (don’t worry, you can talk to Holy Spirit even if you don’t believe in Jesus… for real, just ask! Pretty sure you will hear Him =]). Third and last, take responsibility over your own life and become your strongest supporter; tell yourself what you didn’t but needed to hear and start taking care of yourself.
Allowing yourself to feel stuffed emotions is definitely not fun. I had to let myself feel the loss of my parents, and with that, the loss of a normal childhood along with the loss of: parents providing for your every emotional and physical need; the loss of a mother I could run to when I needed to cry, or the simple fact of tucking me in bed at night and telling me I’m loved; feel the loss of a father telling me he was proud of me and teaching me new things or taking me places. I had to let myself feel anger and hate towards the injustice of being physically and sexually abused, as well as the hurt and pain that it caused to lose my innocence in such a way. You guys have no idea how much crying this involved. How loud and ugly it got. But it was necessary, for it revealed the lies I believed about myself: I believed I was never loved by anyone and that I was always alone, that I had to always work for love and the only way to be loved by others was to hide my needs and emotions. There was always something wrong with me, I had to be fixed. The cool thing is that, once the lies are out, you can finally replace them with truths. When I asked Holy Spirit what He thought about all of these events, He replied with: that I was always loved and always taken care of by Him; He told me I was His son, and as such, I had to only receive His love; and told me that my needs and emotions mattered – they were there for a reason, and no one had the authority to walk over them. I was normal, always was! Once those truths were in place, I was able to see myself with new lenses. I was no longer a selfless orphan, a victim of my upraising, but now I was an adopted son full of confidence, for I was loved simply because of who I was.
Truth sets you free. For real, it does. And once you hear the truth, that empowers you to be able to take care of yourself, to become your strongest ally. How does that look like? And, cliffhanger inserted successfully.
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