On my last blog post I talked about a little bit about why we need people in our lives and why they are worth having (https://lalingthroughtheworld.com/2017/06/24/calling-in-reinforcements-inviting-people-into-your-life/). But making true friendships is honestly easier said than done. The reason for this is because, it requires you to be vulnerable.
Now, being vulnerable is often mistaken by being open with others. How are they different? Well, let’s use me as an example. Let’s just say you and I are having a conversation and we start to ask questions just to get to know each other. Somewhere along the conversation, it starts getting kind of deep and I end up sharing my life story with you. Most people feel that once that happens, the relationship has gone pretty deep and that’s the stopping point. Truth is, I was just open enough to share my life with you, but didn’t get vulnerable to let you see how I’m truly feeling. If I were also being vulnerable, if it’s a bad situation I would either let you know how much the situation sucks and cry, or if it’s a good one, I would let you see how happy and awesome I feel. I would admit that I need help and let you pick me up if I can’t keep going. In other words, you let people see your emotions and you communicate your needs. This attracts people in your life that, like you, are not uncomfortable to be real, and scares away the people that are uncomfortable with it. They get to know you for who you are and love you for that, instead of loving you for what you do for them or with them. Not only that, but it allows you to become friends with people that might not necessarily be like you, and since they aren’t, are able to see things things that even you can’t notice about yourself. In a nutshell, the message you give when you are vulnerable is “this is what I’m dealing with, and I don’t have it all figured out,” whereas when you are open, the message you give is “this is what I’m dealing with, but I’m fine and I’ll figure things out on my own.” In one of them, you invite people into your life, in the other one, you keep them at a distance.
The two people featured in the picture (best picture ever lol) are two of my closest friends, Angelique and Santos. They are two people that I can be vulnerable with at any time. Yes, this means quite literally the ugly tears and boogers when I’m dealing with something horrible, as well as them loving me when I’m being crazy and like a little kid when I get hyper. I’m so grateful for both of them, but in order for us to get to that point, a lot needed to happen. Whether you are familiar with being vulnerable or not, it’s always hard to make this choice, and in some cases, maybe even scary. How does it practically look like to build this with others? That will be for my next blog post, woohoo! Leave your comments below!